


death's miracle

by determination



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Spoilers, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 06:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8090275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/determination/pseuds/determination
Summary: Jumin had always been too scared of his emotions. Jihyun had never been close enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

> GAhghg hello!!!! i'm,, back from hiatus!! lolol it's been a long time waiting for the right inspiration to hit, but tbh this ship really did it for me. i just want them to be happy.... they deserve that much......  
> as a warning, if you don't want spoilers from the deep route or secret endings, i suggest!! doing those first before reading this!! since it's based heavily on the events that happen in those;;  
> that said, it's been a looong while since i actually wrote anything so i apologize in advance if i'm off my game or if anything seems off or weird. (no critiques though please!) hope you enjoy~!  
> (707, rika, and vanderwood only make a cameo in this but i figured i would include tags for them anyway lol)

Jumin's eyes are wide, his jaw is clenched, and his heart is beating painfully loud, the sound echoing in his ears and reverberating in his chest. He's vaguely aware of the noise of his phone ringing, but he barely registers it apart from the fact that he knows it won't be Jihyun. 

The words he'd read seem to be etched into his eyes.

"Goodbye forever...?" he mutters aloud. He's  startled by how weak he sounds. "What the hell is that supposed to mean...?" 

His mind is racing. He's thankful for the support of his office chair, otherwise he's certain his legs would have lacked the strength to support him.

Jihyun can't mean that. He just can't. He can't leave the RFA. 

He can't disappear the way Rika did.

He can't leave Jumin all alone.

It's that thought that seems to scare him the most. Why? What is Jihyun doing? Why had he gone to Mint Eye? Just how many secrets had he kept from Jumin throughout all these years?

Without thinking, Jumin quickly dials Jihyun's number. He's instantly taken to voicemail, to which he scowls and swears under his breath. 

Of course Jihyun wouldn't pick up. Of course Jihyun would conceal everything just like he always had. 

"God..." Jumin feels the prickle of tears at the corners of his eyes. "Why...?" His chest throbs, and he buries his face in his hands. "Why this...? Why now...?"

What can he possible do? He has no idea where Jihyun is or what's going on. All he has is Luciel's testimony that he'd seen Jihyun at Mint Eye's headquarters. 

Impulsively, he almost reaches for his phone to call Luciel, but he manages to stop himself. 

It would be pointless. There's no way Luciel would tell him Mint Eye's address, especially considering the way his trust had been so thoroughly shattered by Jihyun's actions.

A bitter grin tugs at his mouth. "... Jihyun, you absolute fool... Will you hide everything until the very end?"

_ How am I supposed to help you? _

He can't stand it. This hopelessness, this pain, this fear... Luciel and the others may be able to give up on V without much thought, but Jumin can't. He won't. 

Jihyun is... his best friend. Jihyun is important to him, no matter what V has been through and what secrets he's hiding. Jumin can't bear to imagine what Jihyun might do after saying such unbelievable things.

With a shaky laugh, a single tear drips down his cheek, landing on his fingertips.

"It's not fair."

If only Jihyun had talked to him. If only he'd been more supportive. If only he'd gotten past his own miserable emotions, he might have stood a chance of helping Jihyun. 

And with a goodbye that says it will be forever, it feels like he's lost it all. It truly feels like he'll never see Jihyun again.

What's left? There's no point to the party. There's no point to keep working so hard. 

His phone starts ringing again, Jaehee's name flashing once more on caller ID. Jumin closes his eyes, take a deep breath as he attempts to compose himself, then sighs as his fingers close around the device.

"Mr. Han," Jaehee says before he even has a chance to greet her. With just his name, he can hear the concern in her voice. "Mr. Han, are you alright?" 

In spite of himself, he can't help feeling a little touched that she'd been worried enough to call more than once. "I'm fine, Assistant Kang." The statement probably would have been more believable if his voice didn't sound so raw. 

"You're an awful liar," Jaehee responds a bit curtly, but she goes on in a more gentle tone, "Anyone could tell that you would be shocked and upset by what V said. You and Luciel were closest to him, after all."

_ Was I really, though? _ The thought is fleeting, but it still leaves Jumin feeling unsettled and vulnerable. He has to believe.

"You sure are confident about your observation," he mutters after a moment.

"I am your chief assistant. I should hope I am capable of such observations at the least." 

Jumin snorts. "Don't let it go to your head."

"I won't," Jaehee gives a weary chuckle. She pauses, then inquires hesitantly, "Mr. Han, is there anything I can do for you?"

_ Bring Jihyun back here. Make him explain what the hell is going on.  _

"... If I could think of something, don't you think I would have told you already?"

"My apologies." There is the rustling of papers and the sound of Jaehee switching her phone to her other ear. "Then... You wish to continue preparations for the party despite what has happened?"

With a sigh, Jumin shakes his head. "I don't know. Yes. Probably."

"... You don't sound very certain." Her comment is cautious, probing, and it occurs to Jumin that she's using all of his responses to gauge his current state of mind. 

"Just focus on the party," he mutters, eyes dropping to his desk. "We'll worry about everything else afterward, when Luciel and (MC) are safe." 

For a split second, Jumin finds himself thinking that Jihyun's safety is more important, but he vanquishes the thought before it can fully settle.

"Understood." Jaehee goes quiet for a short while, and Jumin almost assumes she'd hung up before she softly adds, "Mr. Han... It's alright. You don't have to suppress your emotions this time. Whatever you're feeling right now... It's okay to feel it."

Jumin grits his teeth. "I appreciate the sentiment Assisant Kang, but I didn't hire you to lecture me."

"Of course. I'll speak to you later then, Mr. Han." 

Once Jumin is sure the call has ended, it takes all of his effort not to throw his phone across the room with the sole intent of having it shatter against the wall.

"So pathetic..." He smiles wryly, dropping the device onto his desk. She couldn't understand, no matter how good her intentions.

It's because of his emotions that he's showing weakness right now.

It's because of his emotions that he can't focus, that he can't stop fearing the worst possible outcomes.

It's because of his emotions that Jihyun is so important to him.

If only he were stronger, he could have abandoned those feelings as well. They don't suit him. They have no real value.

And yet, here they are just the same, threatening to suffocate him.

Taking a few deep breaths, Jumin gazes at his phone. "Kim Jihyun..." he closes his eyes, hanging his head. "You better not do anything stupid." 

_ Please be okay _ . 

 

\--

 

It'd been years since Jumin had been to church. Not since he was a child. 

He has memories of sitting beside his father on one of the benches in the building. Jihyun sat on his other side, and the two boys would exchange glances as the pastor gave his sermon. 

Jumin reminisces the times that he and Jihyun spent together, cherishes them no matter how fleeting. Even when they snuck out of the church to chat outside during the spring, only to be scolded by Jumin's father when they were caught afterward. Even when they had nothing to talk about, when they sat in comfortable silence, content to simply enjoy each other's company.

Unlike the other people in Jumin's life, Jihyun had always stayed by his side. Even when they couldn't see each other for weeks on end because of Jumin's busy schedule, he always knew that Jihyun would be there for him. 

Jihyun is the only one who understands him.

Jihyun is the only one who matters.

And maybe that's what pushed Jumin to be so busy. Perhaps he cared too much, couldn't find the words to describe just what he had taken hold of his cold heart.

With no emotional role model, Jumin had grown up lost in that regard. What good were his feelings? They only stood as obstacles, hindrances.

In a sense, he envied Jihyun. He envied Yoosung, Zen, those who had no difficulty expressing their emotions. 

But more importantly, he couldn't understand why. How did empathy come so easily to Jihyun? How was he able to care so much and yet never seem troubled by his needless emotions? 

No one is as selfless as Jihyun. If the world were ending, Jumin has no doubt that Jihyun would try to take responsibility for it.

"God..." Jumin drops his gaze, his chest tightening. "Where are you...?"

"Mr. Han," Jaehee calls, her voice soft so as to not disturb the other churchgoers. Jumin glances back at her. "Is it time?"

"... Almost." 

"Then I will come pray beside you." She takes a seat on the wooden bench, clasping her hands on her lap. 

It's odd. For so long, Jumin hadn't given a second thought to his religious obligations; but in the last month, he'd been to church each Sunday. 

"Thank you for accompanying me." Jumin sees the corners of Jaehee's mouth quirk upward in a gentle smile. "Even if we don't share the same religion"

"We all pray to the same God," she replies. In spite of her professional tone of voice, Jumin doesn't miss the hint of emotion behind it. "At times like this when no other options are open, the only thing we can do is pray."

A sharp pang stabs at Jumin's chest. He knows she's right; Saeyoung and (MC) are out of reach. 

And Jihyun... Jihyun is still missing.

No amount of searching had turned up even a trace of the photographer.

The party had been a success. RFA had become an even stronger force for justice and charity. They had made so many plans, but Jumin finds himself lacking motivation.

How unlike him.

It just feels wrong without Jihyun.

It's pointless. Jihyun had announced his departure. So why? It seems so difficult without reason.

He knows. He understands the importance of their cause. It means more to him than he'd care to admit, but the only cause for this is... Jihyun.

"God... if you are listening, please ensure Saeyoung and (MC)'s safety." Jaehee's quiet voice reaches Jumin's ears. "Please protect them and help them find Saeran without any danger. Amen." 

Jumin is seized by an unsettling surge of anger. What about Jihyun? Is he not worthy of her prayers?

A few seconds pass before a wave of shame washes over him, contorting his expression with it. No, she has every right. They all do. As far as they know, V is nothing but a dirty traitor, having worked for the very organization that had brought harm upon them.

But Jumin just can't see it. The Jihyun he knew would never do something so foul. 

That being the case, Jumin can't help feeling there's so much more to the story. Jihyun had always been motivated by his selfless desire to help others. If he claimed to have been untrustworthy, if he claimed to be at fault for the dangerous circumstances currently surrounding the RFA, it only makes Jumin more certain that Jihyun is in potentially even more danger than Saeyoung, (MC), or Saeran.

Jaehee shifts and stands, bowing her head. "Mr. Han, when you're finished, I will be outside. Don't forget we have a meeting soon."

"I know," Jumin murmurs, avoiding her gaze. "I'll be done in a moment."

"Very well." With that, Jaehee walks away, the clicking of her heels echoing in the silent room.

Jumin closes his eyes, doing his best to ignore the dull ache in his chest. 

"... God..." he speaks quietly, voice barely audible but filled with a conviction only he could muster. "Holy father, I beg your forgiveness. I know I have not been as devout as I should, and I offer no excuse. But... Please. Please hear my words. Please... Wherever Jihyun is, watch over him. Don't let anything happen to him..." He clenches his fists, knuckles turning white. "Please let me see him one more time."

Guilt seeps into his conscience. How selfish, to think only of one person when so many lives are in danger... 

But Jumin isn't like Jaehee. He's selfish by nature. He always has been, and he doesn't intend to stop.

"Enact whatever punishment I deserve," he finishes bitterly. "I don't care if I go to hell. Just... please help him. Please keep him safe. Amen."

Signing a cross on his chest, he finally stands.

He wonders if God's protection will be enough.

 

\--

 

Jumin's heart stops, followed by the feeling that the world has frozen around him.

He reads and rereads the chat in the messenger, throat tight. 

Jihyun. Jihyun had been in the chat. But hadn't Saeyoung blocked him? How had he managed to get in?

He shakes his head. No, it doesn't matter. What matters is the set of coordinates. The  _ SOS _ . 

Something terrible must have happened. He's in danger.

Jumin needs to get there as soon as possible.

 

\--

 

Darkness. Jihyun hadn't believed it could get darker, not after his sight had faded to blindness.

Now, the black emptiness is painted a shade of deep red, which is accompanied by a jolt of pain shooting through his body.

The gunshot rings in his ears, almost drowning out the shouts around him.

He feels his body fall limp to the ground, the pain skyrocketing with each passing second. Red pain, so deep it feels like it's cutting into his soul.

He hears the agonized cry of a familiar voice. Rika... Rika... Had he fulfilled his mission? Was this the end?

So this is it. This is how he is to leave this world. 

What a sad way to go. He almost feels sorry for himself. 

_ You wanted to help people and look what happened to you _ . 

The last few years were a mistake. Perhaps it's better this way. Perhaps he wasn't meant to save Rika. Perhaps he wasn't meant to save anyone. Or perhaps he was wrong, that in order to save those he cares about, his life must be forfeit.

"V!" he hears Saeyoung's voice from somewhere beside him - at least, he thinks it's somewhere beside him. Sounds seem to be getting farther away, dulling as if someone had covered Jihyun's ears with their hands. "V hang on!"

He wants to tell Saeyoung not to bother, that he doesn't deserve the pity, but he can't find the strength to speak. There's so much pressure building up in his chest. It's so heavy.

"Where the hell is that rich guy??" cries another voice, one Jihyun recalls belonging to the other person that had been accompanying Saeyoung and (MC). "It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

"Shut up and help me stop the bleeding, Vanderwood," Saeyoung barks. "Dammit..." Jihyun feels something press into his abdomen, causing the pain to spike more than before and eliciting a groan from his sore throat. 

This is what he deserves, isn't it. This pain is equivalent to all the wrongs he'd done.

"I'll do it," says a female voice.  _ Ah _ , Jihyun thinks.  _ So that's how (MC) sounds _ . "Saeyoung, Saeran needs you."

"... You're right. Alrig..h.t..." 

The sound grows even quieter, the pressure disappearing from his abdomen, and Jihyun is finding it hard to focus with nothing else keeping him grounded.

It must be time now.

He'd accomplished something in his life, hadn't he? He can at least say that much... can't he...?

So then why does it feel so unfulfilling? There's a strange sense of anxiety, a disatisfaction that Jihyun can't pinpoint, almost like he'd forgotten something that once mattered so much to him.

Presently, white washes over him as if a bright light had shone upon him. It's a warm, soft light, that seems to envelop Jihyun's body and eases his pain. 

This... is this the moment his soul will leave? It feels so pure, so honest. Had God himself come for Jihyun?

As his consciousness begins to slip away, though, he hears one more voice, one he hadn't expected to hear in his dying moments.

"Kim Jihyun!" 

Ah. Not God, but... Him.

He feels gentle arms picking him up, a sort of faraway warmth touching his aching limbs. "Listen to me, you fool! You're not allowed to leave before me! Don't you dare...! Kim Jihyun...!"

How long had it been since Jihyun had seen his face, heard his voice in person like this?

Phone calls couldn't do it justice, nor could memories reassure him of his friend's well-being. He could still very easily picture the contorted expression his old friend must be wearing right now.

God, he misses that face.

Why had he come? To save Saeyoung and (MC)? Oh, that's right. Saeyoung... had messaged him the coordinates with Jihyun's phone. So he came... for them. 

That's for the best.

"Please..." Jumin sounds closer now, as if Jihyun could open his eyes and actually see him. Tangible. 

But Jihyun is already at death's door.

"Jihyun, don't you die on me. You can't... You can't!" 

He becomes vaguely aware of something wet landing on his face. Tears...? Was Jumin... crying?

Was Jumin crying... for him?

In all the years Jihyun had known him, he'd never seen Jumin cry. Never once, no matter how upset he'd gotten. There had been times where Jihyun thought his heart would break seeing the way Jumin bottled everything up, had in turn resolved to express the sadness and hurt twice as strong in an attempt to protect his friend from the negative emotions.

Jihyun can no longer hear any other sounds, his consciousness slowly slipping further. 

"Don't leave me... Please... Jihyun..." Jumin sounds so desperate, so sad and scared. It sparks an odd sensation in Jihyun's chest - or perhaps it's only his heart starting to fail.

_ I don't want to _ , he tries to say, but his mouth won't move, nor will his lungs accept air. 

No... This can't be the end...! He can't abandon Jumin...

But Rika... He'd... promised. Hadn't he? He'd given so much. His sight. His life.

Was it love? Had it always been love? Had it ever been love?

Surely... but in his haze, he can't say for certain.

Rika, the sun... and Jumin... the moon. A bright moon that orbited nearby, never interfering, but still desiring proximity.

Two suns... Of course. Of course, it's so simple. Such a simple mistake... had caused so much grief. 

Two suns could never collide. Two souls that shine like the sun can only destroy each other.

Why... why now had Jihyun finally realized that? Isn't it too late now?

In spite of himself, in the last moments before everything goes black for good, Jihyun uses the last of his strength to pray. 

_ God, if you are truly our creator, I beg you. My journey is not over. Keep my soul here, if only for a short while longer. I can't stand to hurt anyone anymore. Let me atone for my sins by staying by his side. _

The last thing he hears is Jumin's anguished call, beckoning him to slumber.

 

\--

 

Jumin is running on adrenaline and caffeine. The nurse's keep offering to let him rest on a cot, but he can't bring himself to accept. With his nerves like this, he wouldn't be able to rest anyway. 

Jihyun had been rushed to the emergency room along with Saeyoung, who had also suffered a bullet wound albeit much less severe. Saeran... Saeyoung's brother had been brought as well, but every time Jumin tries to wonder, to consider all the new shocking facts that had come to light, his thoughts return to Jihyun.

And Rika... she'd been alive. This whole time, she'd lived behind the scenes, shielded by Jihyun's desire not to involve anyone else. It's something he can hardly believe, and yet he'd seen her with his own eyes. 

Rika, the founder of RFA, was also the mastermind behind Mint Eye. That much is clear. It seems so ludicrous, but Jumin has come to accept that most things in his life are.

Like these damn feelings that keep growing harder and harder to hold back. 

How much had Jihyun suffered, keeping all of this buried so deep inside him? Jumin can't begin to imagine. 

It hurts. 

Why does it have to hurt? Why do such emotions only bring him fear and anxiety?

"Mr. Han," Jaehee's voice comes from behind him, and he turns in time to see her approaching, concern written all over her face. "I-I heard... that V-!" She cuts herself off, taking in Jumin's appearance with a look of shock. "God, you... you look awful."

Perhaps it's all the pent up frustration and nervousness, but Jumin can't help laughing, which seems to startle Jaehee even more. "Trust me," he tells her with a wry smile, "I feel worse than I look." 

Sympathy softens his assistant's features, and her shoulders slack as she taps a heel on the floor. "Mr. Han... I would like to request something."

One of Jumin's eyebrows goes up. "... What would that be?"

Hesitantly, Jaehee bows her head. "I would like permission to talk with you. Not as your assistant... but as a friend."

This was the last thing he would've expected, and perhaps his astonishment is clear, what with the way Jaehee shifts uncomfortably. "... A friend," he repeats.

Han Jumin doesn't make friends. Especially not with those who work for him. Business relations have no place in his personal life, regardless of circumstance. 

However... perhaps the exhaustion really is getting to him. He can't find it in himself to refuse.

"I apologize if I was out of line. I just thought, seeing as you are so distressed, that it might help to talk about it-"

"Be quiet," he interrupts, and Jaehee gives him a confused look. She must hear the lack of authority in his voice, must see the acceptance in his eyes. "Not here. Not now."

Jaehee purses her lips, but doesn't speak again as she watches Jumin thoughtfully. 

_ Not until I know Jihyun is out of danger. _

"Then... may I at least... keep you company?" Her next words catch him by surprise again. "I know that V is a very important person to you. If you don't mind, I would like to offer my support."

Why...? Jumin has done nothing but work Jaehee to the bone. He'd been ruthless, insensitive, and disrespectful to her since the day he'd hired her. Why on Earth would she be so determined when he's the last person who deserves it...?

She seems to notice his bewilderment, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. "It is not good to be alone in times like this," she explains. "The only thing that comes from being by yourself when your loved ones are injured is a heavy conscience and irrational thoughts."

Jumin blinks at her. "Are you questioning my judgment right now...?"

"Wh- I- no!" Jaehee blurts, looking flustered. "I-I didn't mean to say- That is, I only meant-"

Jumin is surprised by the laughter that bubbles up in his chest, but Jaehee is clearly even more so. Her jaw hangs open as Jumin says, "It was a joke, Assistant Kang."

"Even at a time like this, your sense of humor is bad," she mutters, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. 

"And you think you could do better?" he gives her a crooked smile now.

"Well, I..." Jaehee shrinks back a little.

For the first time in weeks, Jumin relaxes, if only a small amount. He's grateful to Assistant Kang. For the first time, she'd proven to be helpful beyond her hard work as his assistant.

Any distraction from Jihyun's ongoing treatment is welcome at this point.

He won't be able to function properly until he knows that Jihyun is stable and safe. 

 

\--

 

A thick fog surrounds Jumin. He waves his hands in an attempt to make it dissipate, brow furrowing when nothings happens. Where is he? It feels like something is on the edge of his consciousness, at the back of his thoughts, but he can't seem to remember. 

In the distance he sees a faint light and instinctively heads toward it. As he moves, the fog grows thinner, and a familiar scene begins to bloom in front of him. 

_ Here _ ... he recognizes this place. Green grass sprouts beneath his feet, followed by flowers of many colors and varieties. A tree sprout pushes its way through the soil, climbing into the sky until it towers above him. And, just a little further, beneath the tree's shade, he sees an old bench. Two silhouettes come into focus, causing Jumin's heart to skip a beat. 

It's... him. This is... a memory...? 

"Photography?" the younger Jumin peers questioningly toward Jihyun. "So you decided you're really going to pursue it?"

"Yes," a dazzling smile graces Jihyun's lips, his fingers closing around the camera hanging around his neck. "It may not be as reliable as a corporate job, but... this work is meaningful to me."

Jumin's chest throbs as he watches the conflicting emotions on his young self's face. So... even back then, he'd felt this way. 

"... I respect that," his young self says after a moment. "Your photos are very beautiful."

"Just beautiful?" Jihyun gives him an amused look.

"Did I say it wrong? You know I don't have an eye for photography like you do."

"I was only teasing," Jihyun chuckles, the sound almost ethereal. It'd been so long since Jumin had heard that sound, and he's so taken aback that he feels tears prick his eyes. "And I wouldn't say that. The fact that you can appreciate my photos is rewarding enough, and proof that you do have an understanding of photography. It's the taking of the photos that you struggle with."

Younger Jumin's cheeks flush. "It's not like I'm taking the picture to make a living," he defends, "I don't care if it's blurry."

"And that's what's so charming," Jihyun grins, laughing again when young Jumin frowns at him. "Come on, I mean it as a compliment. It's fine for a corporate heir to take blurry photos." 

After a pause, younger Jumin slouches on the bench. "Whatever. I'll be looking forward to seeing your works get the publicity they deserve."

"Thank you." There's a twinkle in Jihyun's eyes that Jumin's younger self doesn't seem to notice. He hesitates, then stands from the bench, slipping the camera strap over his neck and holding the device up to his face. "What do you say to being the muse for my next photoshoot?"

Young Jumin gives him an incredulous look. "Stop joking around."

"I'm not," the photographer lowers his camera, smiling once more. "I want to photograph you."

It's surreal to see the shade of red that colors his younger self's cheeks, and it makes his heart ache. "You can't be serious. Me?" Jihyun nods. "But I'm not even photogenic. Why don't you just hire a professional model or something?"

"No good," Jihyun shakes his head. "The inspiration won't be there." 

Young Jumin shrinks back, looking somewhat bashful. "But... I thought you prefer taking pictures of nature."

The photographer beckons, smile widening as the younger Jumin reluctantly stands. "I do; but what inspires me to take pictures depends on the subject of the photo, and you are just as lovely as the sceneries I search for."

Jumin feels his chest tightening. How long ago was this? It seems so inconsequential, yet somehow it feels like the most important moment in the world.

"... Flattery will get you everywhere," his younger self mutters. Jihyun laughs, looking quite pleased with himself as he aims the camera at him. "But you have to promise you won't do anything with the photos. I don't want any pictures of me being spread around the world without my knowledge."

"That's fine with me," the photographer hums. "These photos will be for my own personal collection."

As his younger self starts to move toward the tree, the scene starts to dematerializes. 

No, not yet...! He wants to stay a little longer...! 

He tries to move, but suddenly his body is being weighed down, like he's wading through a thick substance that's sticking to him with each attempted step.

In a matter of seconds he's swallowed by darkness.

 

\--

 

Jumin slowly opens his eyes as the strong scent of coffee reaches his nose. He sits up straighter, blinking sleep away as Jaehee sits back down next to him and offers him a paper cup. 

"Thanks," he mutters, gratefully sipping the drink. 

"Were you able to get some sleep?" Jaehee asks curiously. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine." With another sip, he recalls the details of his slumber. Such a vivid dream... Is there a reason that memory had come back to him now?

"By the way, your father called to ask after you." Jaehee seems unfazed as Jumin gives her an alarmed look.

"He called you?" his brow furrows in bewilderment. "Why didn't he just call me?"

"He did," the corner of Jaehee's mouth twitches in a hint of a smirk. "But you were sleeping."

"Ah." Jumin feels his face get hot. He lowers his gaze to the cup in his hands. "... What did you tell him?"

His assistant gives him a weary grin. "That you were handling the emergency situation with admiral professionalism."

Jumin's shoulders slouch. How can she be so considerate, even at a time like this? It's not like he'd done anything to deserve this.

"... Thank you, Assistant Kang." 

Jaehee hums her acknowledgement of his gratitude, falling silent as they both drink their coffee.

For a brief moment, Jumin forgets why he's here. The scene from his dream is still fresh, so close that he half believes that Jihyun is fine and had never been injured.

"Oh, one of the nurse's also came by a bit earlier," Jaehee breaks the silence once more. "They finished V's treatment. He's resting in his room now."

Jumin's heart stops beating and he nearly loses his grip on the cup in his hand, the coffee sloshing in protest. "What?! Then why didn't you wake me up??"

"You need your rest," Jaehee says, still looking vaguely amused. "V is fine, Mr. Han. Besides, visiting hours aren't open for another half hour." With an exasperated sigh, Jumin leans back, unable to quell the anxiety building in his chest. "I know you're worried, but the doctors took good care of him. V will recover. You can relax now. He's out of danger."

As if her words had cast some sort of spell on him, tears spill over Jumin's cheeks.

Jihyun is safe. 

Jihyun is alive. 

Jumin isn't alone.

It's so relieving, yet at the same time, all of the pent up emotions from the past week seem to have no other escape. 

Han Jumin, the man with a black heart, who'd killed his emotions since childhood, reduced to tears... Embarrassing to say the least, but he supposes this is healthier than continuing to bottle everything up. He can always deny this if she ever brings it up some other time.

"M-Mr. Han," Jaehee exclaims, clearly flustered by the sudden change of mood. "A-are you alright??" 

When she gets no answer, she bites her lip nervously, then sets her cup aside. She gingerly extends a hand, giving him an awkward pat on the back. 

As if sensing his desire to not be questioned, she doesn't speak again. The silence is quite welcome as Jumin attempts to compose himself, a few muffled sobs escaping him before he's finally able to stem the flow of tears. With a deep breath, he does his best to dry his eyes. 

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this," he murmurs, voice unsteady. 

"It's nothing to apologize about," Jaehee says softly. "Expressing grief is an important part of being human." Jumin shoots a look at her, shaking his head and then burying his face in his hands. "And now I have confirmation that you are, in fact, not a robot." 

"Real funny," Jumin says with a hint of sarcasm, though he can't stop the grin that tugs at his mouth.

"See? I told you my sense of humor is better." Jaehee speaks under her breath, earning a laugh from her boss. 

He pauses, lifts his head to glance at her, then asks, "What do you plan to do now? You're not going to visit V, I assume."

"You're correct." Jaehee smiles wryly. "I would love to check up on him myself, but I'm afraid I haven't finished any of the necessary reports for the new company project. Therefore I must leave once visiting hours are open." As an afterthought, she adds, "Besides, you will be visiting V. I'm sure that you are the most important to him, and that you would rather see him by yourself."

Faint red paints Jumin's cheeks. Is he that obvious?

He opens his mouth to deny it, but the words lodge in his throat as he thinks about seeing Jihyun. 

Confirming with his own eyes that Jihyun is still here in this world, not being guided to heaven. If permitted, he... would want to touch. To feel with his fingers the warmth of Jihyun's body, to make sure his heart is still beating and pumping blood through his veins. To hear Jihyun's voice, smooth and inviting, which he hasn't heard in person in far too long.

This must be God's blessing.

Somehow, Jihyun is still on this Earth.

 

\--

 

Strange. Surreal. Unsettling. 

Many thoughts flit through Jumin's mind as he stands at the entrance to Jihyun's hospital room, gazing inside at his slumbering friend. He's bandaged and hooked up to IVs, and he's so pale that Jumin can't help thinking that he'd probably go transparent if he got any paler.

The doctor had confirmed what Jaehee told him: Jihyun's condition is stable. He'd lost a lot of blood, but, by some miracle, he'd pulled through.

Jumin doesn't think he's ever felt more relieved.

He closes the door behind him and steps lightly across the floor in order to keep from waking his friend. Gently moving the chair closer to the hospital bed, he takes a seat, allowing his eyes to scan Jihyun for a sign; anything to convince himself this is real, that Jihyun is in fact, here beside him and not lost to world of the living.

"Thank God..." he murmurs. He can see Jihyun's chest moving up and down with each breath he takes. 

Hesitating, Jumin reaches out. He freezes before his hand reaches Jihyun's, though, suddenly self conscious. It's just a precautionary measure, he inwardly justifies.  Confirmation that can't be achieved by simply gazing.

The sensation of Jihyun's soft skin against Jumin's fingers is enough to erase the rest of his worries.

Warm. It feels... safe. Like he can finally breathe again, as if his lungs had been blocked until this moment.

Without thinking, he leans forward, gently pressing his lips to the back of Jihyun's hand.

"Welcome back, my friend." 

His heart leaps into his throat as he hears the sigh that leaves Jihyun's lips. 

"... Jumin...?" He's so quiet, sounds so tired that for a second Jumin forgets what he'd just done, concern instantly flooding back to him. "... Is that you?"

Had he been awake the whole time? Color pools in Jumin's cheeks.  _ God _ ...

"I'm here," he says softly, giving Jihyun's hand a brief squeeze and momentarily being grateful that his blush won't be seen. 

"Where am I...?" The photographer returns the squeeze at a fraction of the strength.

"The hospital. I brought you here in my helicopter." Jumin remembers the fear he'd felt during that trip. Time had seemed to stop, and all he could think of was how desperate he was to get Jihyun to safety. 

"Ah..." A moment passes, then Jihyun shifts and slowly tries to sit up. "What about Saeyoung? He was injured, too..."

"He's fine, stay put," Jumin commands, standing and gently pressing his friend back onto the bed with his palms against his shoulders. "He's receiving treatment in another room. You're still recovering, so don't exert yourself."

"I'm fine, Jumin," Jihyun assures him, but he seems relieved to be laying down again. "Thank God Saeyoung is alright." Then, a crease forms on his brow as if he'd just realized something. "... Why are you here...?"

Jumin's cheeks become redder as he returns to his seat. "I..." Should he be honest? "... I was worried."

"Then..." his friend's expression softens. "... you are not mad at me? You... forgive me?"

"What is there to forgive? You've done nothing wrong."

This doesn't appear to be the answer Jihyun has expected. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he seems to give up. "That you can still say that, despite all the secrecy... Thank you, Jumin. I... feel that I am in your debt."

"Don't be ridiculous. I was doing what I wanted, not to earn a favor." He reluctantly extends his hand again, linking his fingers between Jihyun's. "I'm just glad I made it in time."

"I am, too. It's... thanks to your presence that I was able to hang on," Jihyun gives him a sweet smile, and all at once, Jumin realizes just how pleasant it is to hear his voice, to see that radiant smile again. He really had been scared at the prospect of losing it.

Jumin's heart stutters in response. "... What do you mean?"

The photographer squeezes his hand again. "I truly thought my time was over. I was ready to leave this world in order to pay for my sins. But... when I heard your voice, I lost that conviction. I couldn't bear to be somewhere that you weren't."

He feels momentarily winded. Such honest words... but it couldn't mean what he wants. It's not possible.

Only after a couple deep breaths is he able to articulate the question that had been nagging him this whole time. "Jihyun... what the hell happened?" Jihyun's hand twitches and he slips it free of Jumin's grasp. "Jihyun...?"

"I... can't explain," he shakes his head. Jumin stares at him, growing more anxious and confused than before. "It was my fault, all of it. That is all you need know."

_ Like hell it is _ , Jumin thinks. Clenching his fists, he mutters darkly, "Cut the bullshit." Jihyun flinches back as if Jumin's words were a blade. "Why are you so intent on keeping me in the dark? I deserve to know! I don't want you to suffer on your own anymore!"

Jihyun's face contorts, either from pain or emotion Jumin is not certain. Despite Jumin's demands, he remains silent, looking conflicted and reluctant.

With a low exhale, Jumin slumps in his chair. "Please, Jihyun," he says weakly. "I can't go through this again. I can't bear to think that I could lose you and not even know about it."

"... I'm sorry," Jihyun mumbles. "I didn't... I just can't drag you into my problems. I don't want to put you in danger."

"Do you think I care about that?" Jumin counters with narrowed eyes. "I don't care if I'm in danger or not, I want to help you! I... want you to trust me like you always have." 

"Jumin..." Jihyun lays his hand to his side as if to cue Jumin to take it once more. He does so obligingly. "I'm so sorry. It seems I've hurt you more by trying to protect you. But this... is something that cuts deep inside of me, something that has occurred over a long period of time. It's not something that can easily be put into words."

"Then... take your time," Jumin murmurs. He can't handle the sad expression Jihyun is wearing, the evident pain of his past. The past Jumin hadn't been a part of. "I won't force you to talk. But... I want to know what happened. I want you to be able to confide in me."

"I know." Jihyun exhales quietly. "... You're right. You do deserve to know. I'm sorry, Jumin. Even now I... haven't been able to be a good friend to you."

Jumin grits his teeth. "Stop apologizing," he scolds, tone gentle.  _ I'm the one who isn't a good friend _ . "I'm not going anywhere. I will listen whenever you are ready."

Jihyun nods, seeming to relax more as he sinks into the bed a bit. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, one that brings Jumin more pleasure than he supposes is necessary. Jihyun's hand is back in his, which is all the reassurance he needs to know that Jihyun is alright.

The past few weeks flit through Jumin's mind, the stress, the anxiety of not knowing where the photographer had disappeared to. All the searching, the worries, the incessant fear that it would all be for nothing... Thank God he'd been wrong. 

He sends his silent gratitude to the heavens. 

For a short while, Jumin thinks Jihyun had fallen back to sleep, so he's a bit unprepared when he hears his friend speak again. 

"Do... do the other RFA members still distrust me?" 

Jumin sighs, a sympathetic smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I think they are confused more than anything."

"I don't blame them," Jihyun mutters dryly. There's a hint of something in his voice that catches Jumin's attention, but he can't seem to pinpoint what it is or why it bothers him. "I'm sure... that seeing Rika was shocking for all of you."

The name feels like a gunshot to Jumin's chest.  _ Rika _ . It's not surprising that Jihyun would mention her; but Jumin couldn't help but hope it could be avoided, at least for today. 

Rika. Always Rika. Forever Rika.

"I'm sorry for lying to all of you," Jihyun goes on, seeming concerned by Jumin's silence. "The situation was complicated, and I... If I hadn't made so many promises I couldn't keep, I could have... prevented all of this."

"Nothing was your fault," Jumin says, shaking his head. "Your only fault is being too selfless to ever give yourself the credit or care you deserve."

Jihyun gives him a small smile. "I appreciate the sentiment, but... Truly, I am to blame." Jumin lets out an exasperated breath, pursing his lips. "You have to understand, I only did what I thought was right. I wanted to save her. And then I wanted to protect all of you, if it was in my power... It seems I was negligent on the front, though."

"Don't say such things," Jumin says. He regrets the emotional tinge to his words. 

"I can't help it." The remorse on Jihyun's face digs painfully at Jumin's heart. "I knew what she had become. I knew that if I wasn't careful, she would drag all of you into it, too. The last thing I wanted was for you to get involved."

"She..." Jumin repeats, brow burrowing. "What do you mean? Are you talking about Rika?" 

What had occurred for Jihyun to voice these thoughts? What had he kept hidden all this time, despite the danger it put him in?

What had Rika done?

As if to spite him, he finds himself thinking that he should've noticed what was going on. He should have been more intuitive. He should have-

"Jumin..." his friend's voice has a quality to it that pulls him closer, and he's so enraptured that he nearly forgets where they, what they'd discussed, and what he'd been thinking. "I want to thank you."

"F-for what?" Jumin utters, frowning slightly. "I haven't done anything."

"On the contrary, you've done more than you could ever know." Jihyun's sweet smile sets off a fluttering in Jumin's stomach that progresses upward, bubbling his chest and lodging itself in his throat. 

"What do you mean?" Jumin's starting to feel like a broken record, asking the same thing over and over.

"You shone brightly when all other lights went out."

Jihyun sounds so sure of himself that for a brief moment, Jumin feels breathless and elated. Presently he sinks back to reality, though, a name hovering like a thick cloud above them.

"A bright light..." His chest tightens. "... I thought that's what  _ Rika _ was."  _ Your sun _ .

His friend's expression contorts, and Jumin finds it difficult to read. Ruefully, he retracts his hand and stands, turning his back to Jihyun. 

"She was." 

Jumin's heart pounds erratically, uncomfortably. He wishes this feeling would stop. He wishes he could drown this emotion deep inside of him so he'd never have to think about it again.

"But thanks to that light, my eyes have failed. Thanks to that light, I almost lost my way for good. It seems to have done more harm than good."

His explanation leaves Jumin more confused than ever, and he turns around, scrutinizing Jihyun with a perplexed frown. "... Stop speaking in poetry," he mumbles. "You know I can't understand you when you talk like that."

Jihyun laughs softly. It sounds just like the laugh he remembered in his dream, so airy and sweet even when he's in this condition. It makes Jumin feel lightheaded.

"You haven't changed," the photographer says, voice full of warmth. "I just don't know how else to put it. I'm glad you're here, Jumin, that's all. Even if I can't see you."

Perhaps it shouldn't bother him as much as it does. Perhaps he's overly sensitive because of the circumstances, so exhausted from all the worrying that it's starting to go to his head. 

He gazes at Jihyun, torn between adoration and desperation. "... You shouldn't say things like that."

"Why not?" It's such a genuine question that Jumin has to fight the urge to retort with a sharp tongue.

"You should save such pleasantries for someone who deserves them," he responds a bit coldly. This is for the best. "Someone special."  _ Like her _ .

Jihyun frowns and goes quiet, his brows knitted in thought. Jumin's heart hammers in his chest, so loud and strong that he wonders if Jihyun can hear it. He doesn't want to imagine about the expression he must be wearing right now.

When the photographer speaks again, his voice is tender, soft, like a blanket of warmth enveloping Jumin's weary soul. "But you are special. To me, you are very special."

If only for a second, Jumin allows himself to savor those words, no matter Jihyun's intended meaning. He wraps them around himself tightly, then sets fire to them all.

"But not the same special as Rika, correct?"

Guilt and pain sear his conscience as Jihyun grimaces. "No, I suppose it's not the same." 

"Point in case," Jumin says emptily. Yes, this is the way things should be. "So don't say things like that to me. I don't deserve to hope."

"What... do you mean? Hope for what?" Jihyun's head tilts slightly, his hair fluttering with the movement.

Damn. Perhaps Jumin said too much. He'd gotten too caught up in the moment. 

"It's not important," he hastily amends,  fidgeting and averting his gaze to the adjacent wall.  _ Careful, Han Jumin. Don't let it show. _

His friend sighs. "You've always been closed off... Come on, Jumin, if I am to be honest with you about my secrets, then I should hope you would be honest with me, as well."

"I am honest." Jumin folds his arms across his chest. "I said it's not important so it's not important." Such feelings are unbecoming for someone in Jumin's position. He doesn't deserve to feel them. He shouldn't. 

"Jumin..." Jihyun sighs once again. "Perhaps it's hypocritical of me to say this, but I wish you would talk to me. You've always kept everything bottled up inside of you. It's not healthy."

"My health should be the last of your concerns right now, considering that you are the one seriously injured." At that, Jihyun's expression turns sheepish. 

"You're right," the photographer nods, but he doesn't seem to be done yet. After a short pause, he starts again; "but... I care about you, Jumin. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. If something is bothering you, I want to help."

Why? Even after everything, after standing outside death's door, Jihyun can still be so selfless...

Something inside of Jumin breaks. "I'm the one who should be saying that!" he exclaims. "Why don't you get it?! I'm not worthy, Jihyun! I'm not! So stop wasting your breath on me!"

Clearly taken aback, Jihyun's mouth opens and closes a few times, no words escaping him. Jumin falters, shoulders sagging with guilt.

"... Why would you say something like that...?" Jihyun asks barely above a whisper.

Jumin runs a hand through his hair, taking a few deep breaths. He got himself into this. His idiotic mouth got him into this. He'll have to deal with it like a processional. Just like he always has.

"I'm not Rika." His hands are shaking;  _ always a great sign _ , he thinks sarcastically. "I don't have an innocent heart. I'm not soft, and I don't really care for helping people that haven't earned my trust. I'm selfish, Jihyun. I'm so selfish, sometimes it infuriates me. My heart is black. I'm not like her at all."

Jihyun's smile again once more, soft and so warm that Jumin wonders for a split second if he's dreaming.

"I know," his friend responds quietly. "And that is why I like you, Jumin."

" _ Like _ -?" Jumin trembles, heart racing.  _ Like _ . "How can you say something like that so easily?" he demands, voice going rough with emotion. "Don't you understand? I'm not good enough! I'm selfish! I'm cruel and emotionless! I don't deserve someone like you!"

"That's where you're wrong." Jumin's eyes widen. "Your heart isn't as dark as you think. It's my choice, too. I know you, Han Jumin and I know you have been worthy ever since we met."

"Stop!" Jumin says exasperatedly, tears stinging his eyes. "God, can't you see? I lov-" he instantly realizes what he's saying and cuts himself off while his heart beats erratically, threatening to pound its way out of his chest.  _ You stupid fool! You stupid selfish fool! _ "I... dammit. N-nevermind."

The silence that follows his near admission is stifling and oppressive, and Jumin finds himself having trouble breathing. How could he have been so careless? How could he have risked saying that word when he knows that Rika is still alive in this world? When Jihyun deserves someone so much better?

Someone who can express their emotions with ease. Someone who won't hurt him.

Jihyun must be disgusted.

However, when Jihyun speaks, his voice is oddly calm. "Come here, Jumin." 

Jumin wants to protest, to make excuses to leave, to pretend he'd never said any of this; he wants to escape the feelings clawing at his chest; but he finds himself reluctantly complying, throat thick and eyes wet.

One step, two step. "Sit," Jihyun pats the space on the bed next to him.

Three step, four step. "I shouldn't..." he mumbles, face flushing as Jihyun pats the bed again. Finally, he lets out a shaky sigh and obeys, careful not to disturb the bed too much.

Now he's closer to Jihyun than all of the past three years put together. On this bed, inches from his dear friend, when they hadn't spoken in person for more than a year and a half. It feels... wonderful, but Jumin would never admit so. Not after his careless mistake.

A minute passes. Jihyun is quiet again, until a boyish smile spreads across his face. "Closer," he politely demands. Jumin purses his lips. Why? Why is he doing this? Is he taunting Jumin? Is there some joke here that Jumin can't seem to get? He shifts to clear some of the little remaining distance between them - and that's when Jihyun begins sitting up.

"Wait, what are you doing? I told you to rest!" he starts to reach out, but his arms go limp when Jihyun shakes his head.

"This is part of resting."

In the next instant, Jihyun's slender fingers are touching Jumin's face. Jumin flinches in alarm and freezes, the touch sensitive but inviting at the same time. Tender, determined, like he's touching a precious object. Jumin feels nauseous with confusion and desire.

"I missed your face," Jihyun murmurs, tracing Jumin's features delicately and with precision. Affection is laced in his voice, and it takes all of Jumin's willpower not to collapse on the spot. "Your face feels warm. You're not sick are you?"

_ Lovesick _ ,  _ maybe _ , Jumin thinks. Only, he realizes what he'd thought just a few seconds later, face erupting with a bright shade of red.

"I..." His voice comes out strangled, so he clears his throat, swallowing hard. "I'm f-fine." 

Jihyun hums, but doesn't make another comment. Instead, he abruptly cups Jumin's cheeks and brings Jumin's face toward him, planting the softest kiss to Jumin's forehead. 

Time seems to stop. Jumin thinks he sees stars. He gazes at Jihyun with wide eyes, a whirlwind of emotions stirring inside of him.

"W... why...?" he manages to get out, not even caring when his voice comes out ragged. "You... h-how could you..."

"Listen to me, Jumin." Jihyun slowly leans back, resting on the pillows behind him once more. "This feeling... is complicated. I hardly know how to describe it, or for how long it's been present at the back of my conscience."

Jumin feels too dazed to offer any kind of response, which Jihyun doesn't seem to mind as he goes on. "I became aware of it... when I met with death." He gives a bittersweet smile that stabs at Jumin's heart. "It's strange, I... I've heard stories of others' near death experiences. I've heard how life-changing they can be. In a way, I'm... grateful that I almost died."

"... What an odd thing to say," Jumin finally recovers his voice. "Only you would say something so incomprehensible."

"You're right," Jihyun chuckles. He pauses, extending his hand once more. This time, Jumin decides to discard all reason and logic and eagerly welcomes their interlacing fingers. "But I mean it. I saw and thought so many things while I was in that state. I had so many realizations, regretted so much... Perhaps it's because you were there in my last conscious moments, but you were at the center of it all."

Him?

Jumin almost feels more dazed than before. 

He was the one Jihyun thought about? ... Not Rika? She had been there, as well, so why...?

"Rika..." There it is again. That hint of something unreadable in Jihyun's voice. "I know how you all must have felt about her. About her work. That she was a beautiful person inside and out."

Jumin searches his friend's face, trying desperately to understand. "I thought so too. Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I wanted to believe it. You know how naive I can be." Another bitter smile.

"That's not true," Jumin mutters, shaking his head. "Your selflessness is not a fault."

"Call it what you like. Regardless, I got myself into a situation which I could never have been prepared for. And, naive as I was, I wanted to see it through to the end. I thought I could make a difference."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jumin asks, concern lacing his voice.  _ What does this have to do with Rika? _

Jihyun's expression turns wry. "Rika... wasn't the person you all knew. She was so much more complex. I wouldn't say the side she showed you was false, but... she was good at her facade. She didn't want anyone else to know what went on inside her head."

"But you knew." It's not a question. Jumin is starting to feel sick to his stomach.

"Yes, well..." Jihyun exhales slowly. "Do you... recall what I told you when my eyes were injured?"

"An accident." Yes, Jumin does not like where this is going. "You said it was an accident."

"I'm sorry, Jumin. It was wrong to lie about it, but I... never wanted to worry you."

Rage boils in Jumin's blood. "Did she do it?" He asks, alarmed by the cold tone in his voice. 

Jihyun stiffens, and, after a pause, reluctantly nods. "I only ever wanted to help her. But perhaps my care was too overbearing. She... had trouble believing others, even those closest to her. I wanted to help, but I couldn't satisfy her desire to feel understood. Still, I don't blame her."

"Well I do." Jumin curses the tears that once again threaten to spill from his eyes. "Jihyun, you altruistic fool... You know what that's called, don't you? It's abuse!"

Jihyun falls silent. His expression is so pained that Jumin instantly regrets his harsh words, hesitantly lifts his free hand to gently caress Jihyun's cheek. The photographer startles at the touch, but doesn't try to pull away or avoid it. In fact, after a few seconds, he seems to settle into it, pressing gently into Jumin's fingers.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. 

"Idiot..." Jumin shifts, moving his hand to brush Jihyun's hair out of his face. He gazes at his friend's unseeing eyes, chest tightening with an inexpressible sadness. "You're the victim. Don't apologize for being hurt."

Jihyun smiles weakly. "You're right. You've always been the sensible one, Jumin. Meanwhile, I've been a slave to my emotions."

"That is part of what I... what makes you... you." The word from before lingers on his tongue. He still doesn't dare say it.

"Thank you," Jihyun says, smiling. "Even now, all it takes is your words to comfort me. Truly, I'm at your mercy."

At that, Jumin's face reddens. "D-don't word it that way," he mumbles, biting his lip. "You'll give me the wrong idea."

"What would that be?"

Jumin squirms, suddenly feeling hot and uncomfortable. "N-nothing," he coughs. "Nevermind."

"Come now, Jumin. After I bared my heart to you, you still won't be honest with me?" Jihyun's tone is playful, teasing, and Jumin finds himself thinking that something remarkable had indeed taken place. Just by talking about what had happened, Jihyun already seems lighter, like a heavy burden had been lifted off of his back. He makes it look so easy.

But it wouldn't be fair to say so. To speak of such serious matters openly must have been very hard for him. Jumin is grateful for that.

"This and that are two different things," he mumbles. The sudden change in atmosphere seems to have had an effect on him as well. He's ashamed of the blush that pools in his cheeks. 

"Are they?" Jihyun questions with an amused grin. "I'd like to be the judge of that."

Jumin lets out a low exhale, shrinking back a little. He attempts to retract his hand, but Jihyun tightens his grip before he can, and gently tugs him closer. 

"Talk to me, Jumin. You said you wanted to be close like we've always been. So let's be close, alright?"

Yes, there must definitely be something in the atmosphere. Maybe it's the pent up frustration, the bottled up anxiety and nerves; maybe it's the lighthearted way Jihyun speaks to him, so reminiscent of the way things used to be; maybe Jumin is simply so relieved to be sitting here, chatting with Jihyun as if he hadn't just danced with death... that for once in his life, he gives in to the feelings inside of him. 

Words wouldn't be enough to do it justice. So, he decides, he may as well just show Jihyun what he means.

When he doesn't answer, Jihyun begins to speak again. "Jumin, are you listening-?" 

He's cut off abruptly as Jumin shifts and moves closer, allowing his lips to press cautiously against Jihyun's. 

For a second Jihyun seems too stunned to react, his body tense, and Jumin immediately falters. 

Had he done the wrong thing? Had he made yet another blunder?

But when he starts to pull away, he's stopped by Jihyun's hand on the back of his neck. The sensation sends a shiver down Jumin's spine, and he forgets to breathe as his heartrate skyrockets. 

It feels...  _ amazing _ . 

All of his worries, all the silent struggles, it all melts away as Jihyun kisses him sweetly. 

When they finally part, Jumin releases the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, the air leaving his lungs in pants.

Jihyun chuckles, sparking blush along Jumin's cheeks that stretches to paint the tips of his ears. "I wish I could see your expression right now," the photographer hums. "I feel like I've never seen you get flustered before."

"That's because I don't get flustered," Jumin mutters, willing the color to leave his face. It doesn't work. With an uneven sigh, he raises his hands, brushing his fingertips against Jihyun's eyelids. "... You could get the surgery, you know."

"I know." Jihyun reaches up, taking ones of Jumin's hands in his own and bringing it to his lips. Jumin twitches as the sensation sends a jolt of pleasure through him. "Before now, I thought it was my duty to abandon my sight. I convinced myself that it was. But I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to see you. I want to see the other RFA members. I want to take pictures again."

"... I want to see you take pictures again." Jumin's heart aches at the delighted grin that spreads across Jihyun's face. Childish, innocent. It makes Jumin want to kiss him again. 

"I'm glad to hear that." He releases Jumin's hand. "Thank you, Jumin. And thank you... for being honest with me." 

Blinking at him a few times, Jumin's brow furrows. "What...? But I didn't say anything."

"You didn't," the photographer laughs softly. "But I could feel your honesty through your lips." 

If it were possible, Jumin is certain his entire face would be red right now.

"........ You don't have to put it so bluntly," he grumbles, earning another laugh. 

"Alright. Then I'll wait until you are ready."

It's hard to believe that, before now, the conversation had been so serious. Jumin feels significantly lighter, more so than he'd felt in a long, long time.

In fact, he feels giddy. Jihyun is alive. Jihyun understands and accepts Jumin's feelings. Of course there will be matters to take care of, issues to resolve... But Jumin can't bring himself to give them much thought right now.

Not when Jihyun is smiling at him like that.


End file.
